Therapy for Motherhood & Identity
For the “I love my children, but I don't know who I am anymore” experience: identity, resentment, guilt, perfectionism, burnout, and finding yourself again.
Somewhere between the feedings, the pickups, and the constant needs of little people, you may have lost track of yourself. The things you used to love feel far away. Your conversations revolve around your kids. You look in the mirror, or at your calendar, and wonder where the woman you used to be went.
And then comes the guilt, because you love your children. You wouldn't trade them for anything. So why do you feel this way?
Because both things can be true. Loving your children and missing yourself aren't opposites. They're part of one of the biggest identity shifts a person can go through.
You can love your children deeply and still miss the person you used to be.
Matrescence: the change no one prepares you for
There's a word for what you may be going through: matrescence, the process of becoming a mother. Like adolescence, it's a major life transition that reshapes your body, hormones, identity, relationships, and sense of who you are. It doesn't happen in a single moment. It unfolds over months and years.
Most of us were told to prepare for the baby, not for the change in ourselves. So when you feel unsettled, pulled between who you were and who you're becoming, it can feel like something's wrong. Often, it's matrescence: a normal, profound transformation that deserves understanding and support.
What this can feel like
- Not recognizing yourself, or grieving the person you were before kids
- Resentment you feel guilty for having
- Pressure to be the "perfect" mom, and feeling like you never measure up
- Comparing yourself to other mothers, online and off
- Feeling invisible, or valued only for what you do for others
- Losing touch with your interests, friendships, or goals
- A quiet sense that something's missing, even when life looks fine
How therapy helps
Therapy is time that belongs to you, not to your kids, your partner, or your to-do list. Together, we work to:
- Make sense of how motherhood has changed you, and what you want to reclaim
- Loosen the grip of guilt, perfectionism, and impossible standards
- Understand resentment as a signal, not a character flaw
- Rediscover what matters to you, and make room for it
- Build a version of motherhood that fits who you actually are
How we work together
Our work is often informed by Internal Family Systems (IFS), helping you understand the different parts of you: the devoted mom, the part that misses your old life, the critic that says you're never doing enough.
When to get help right away
If you're having thoughts of harming yourself, please reach out now. Call or text 988, or go to your nearest emergency room.
You may also find helpful
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The Mental Load & Mom Burnout
Support when you're carrying everyone's schedules, needs, emotions, and responsibilities, and feel like there's nothing left for you.
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Parenting Without Losing Yourself
Support for parents who want to show up for their children while also maintaining their relationships, careers, interests, boundaries, and sense of self.
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Relationships After Baby
Individual support for changes in intimacy, communication, resentment, division of labor, parenting differences, and feeling more like roommates than partners.